Tuesday October 21

Hello everyone.  Yesterday Zach brought us into town so that we could spend some time with M.  the little girl my parents are adopting.  We’re at a hotel in Port enjoying some down-time with her.  Not much is going to happen today – I think just swimming and we may try to go out and see if there is anything we want to buy from the street vendors in the street.

We left Cazale early – about 7am I think.  Zach had some errands to do in town so we rode around with him in the morning.  Stopped to change money and I ended up buying a large globe that they make here, I’ve bought one before but I think gave it to someone as a gift?  So I wanted one for our house.  They are neat.

At one point yesterday we stopped and sat along the street because we were waiting for someone who was supposed to meet us.  A little boy was begging there and told me he was very hungry.  I gave him a packet of crackers I had in my bag.  Zach decided to have a little picnic there why we waited so they fixed little sandwiches in the back of the truck and we gave one of the little boy (10-12 years old?)that was begging.   Another little boy (7-8 years old?) was standing off watching us but didn’t approach us.  He had a black eye, obviously very poor and looked like he might be going to find water.  We gave him a sandwich which he excitedly took but didn’t ask for anything all.   Zach said there is a Haitian saying that states if you deserve something you don’t have to ask for it.  Something like that.   So – Zach told the little boy that and gave him a little money.  Then told him to run so the bigger boys didn’t steal it from him.   As we left we saw him running down the streets looking pretty excited.  He was such a cute little boy but he had such a sad look in his eyes.   I know he is just one of the thousands of kids like him on the streets of Port-au-Prince but I was glad we could make his day a little brighter.

We leave soon.  I don’t want to go home.  Not because I want to stay here right now but I’m feeling this sense of dread knowing that I’m going home without Schnider.   Even though he isn’t with us right now, there is this whole different feeling in knowing that I am going back home, to what was OUR home, without him.  I can’t even begin to explain it.   I feel conflicted.  On one hand I know in my head he is home with his family – he is where he is supposed to be…this is what we knew would happen when we decided to host a child, right?  But on the other hand my heart is just screaming that his home is with us.  It has been for the last year and he feels like our child – a member of our family – and why am I leaving him here?  It isn’t coming out right as I write it.  I guess if it doesn’t make sense in my head I can’t expect it to make sense when I type it out.    I’m glad he’s back with his family and at the same time sad that he isn’t with us.  I don’t know…I’m still trying to sort through it all myself.

I’ll try to write more later.

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2 Comments to “Tuesday October 21”

  1. Your description of how you feel makes perfect sense to me. I felt the same way when S. and I brought Bug and Ella to Haiti. I only had Bug in our house for 2 months!!! I will keep praying for you, it is so hard.

  2. Tears will flow, hearts will hurt, doing God’s work isn’t easy. Peace to you, my sister in Christ. Your heart will heal, but the Schnider-shaped hole will always remain. Well done.

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